Award Ceremony? I Thought It Was Luau

about a month ago i got a letter from penn state inviting me to some sort of award ceremony. well i really didn't want to go but my mom thought it was a big deal, and since i was a complete academic retard in high school i figured i'd let her enjoy the fruits of grounding me for bad report cards for the better part of twelve years. i got home from tutoring at the high school put a Hawaiian shirt on over my pearl jam tour shirt and changed into my sandals that smell a little like the Yough River and headed out the door. i got to the campus a few minutes late and immediately went to the "green room" where i discovered that all the other "honorees" who apparently had some prior experience with this ceremony had dressed for the occasion.

we followed a group of robed professors into the hall, me in my Hawaiian shirt and shorts leading a group of collage scholars in suits and dresses. i sat through four or five unbearably long speeches, and then as i was staring off into space ( thinking about sneaking out the side door and grabbing a frosty) they called my name . i walked up onto the stage shook hands with the "campus executive officer" and a few professors then an old lady at a table handed me an envelope and signaled that i should exit the stage on the other side. as i walked down the stage steps a gave a little wave to the audience making sure i acknowledged a group of board members and alumni that i could see from the looks on their faces didn't approve of my tastes in award ceremony attire. so i went back to my seat opened my envelope and exclaimed (a bit too loud)"what the hell, this is what i wasted my night on. i would have been better off skipping this a playing frisbee instead" in the envelope was a piece of cardboard that said "academic achievement award" and had of scribbled signatures at the bottom and a penn state pin that i probably could have taken from the admissions office if i really wanted one. as i was leaving the ceremony i saw a professor i had for an english lit class last year . he said to me " is this what you usually wear to award ceremonies?" my response "Award Ceremony I thought this was a Luau, no wonder i couldn't find a good pina collada."

peace out yo


MITCH HEDBERG QUOTE #5

"I haven't slept for 10 days, because that would be too long."