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January 16, 2006

Release the Monkeys

So I found this a few days ago and I just had to share. It's the script for my favorite sketch from The Kids in the Hall. The Killer Monkeys. Enjoy.
Mr. Lewis: Monkeys are loose. Full of beans, sounds like to me. I let them loose... I mean, out of their cages... but I keep them in there... locked up in that room. If I was ever to let them monkeys out of the house, they'd be running this town inside a week. [We cut to Mr. Lewis standing next to another man, Manservant.]
Manservant: Everything he says is true. [We see Mr. Lewis stand before the door, undoing the locks.]
Mr. Lewis: Monkeys are in here. Think I'll let 'em out. [Mr. Lewis opens the door a bit and light pours from behind it. We hear the howls of monkeys before Mr. Lewis closes the door again.]
Mr. Lewis: [laughs] I was kidding. I wouldn't wish the monkeys on my worst enemy. These aren't cute monkeys. Nah. These are like those damn monkeys in "The Wizard of Oz"... only they aint got no wings... and they smell bad... these are vicious, mean-spirited monkeys.
Manservant: Saw a couple of them get a hold of a dog once....[shakes his head] hoo boy. [Cut to Mr. Lewis on a phone.]
Mr. Lewis: If I don't get a pizza here in ten minutes, I'M LETTING THE MONKEYS LOOSE! [Cut to a cab. Mr. Lewis and Manservant are in the back seat.] Mr. Lewis: Worked for 30 years over at the furniture department at the Eden's. Can't tell me everyone in this town didn't look down on me. Worked for commission. Lucky if I made 300 bucks a month. Now I run the whole damn furniture department! Ehhh? I live in Bobby Ore's house! [The three men laugh, the cab driver doing so nervously.]
Man: Here you are, Mr. Lewis. And I just want to say how much my wife and I appreciate you not letting them monkeys out....
Mr. Lewis: Oh, I figure I gotta let 'em out sometime..... tomorrow! [The man looks very worried until Mr. Lewis starts laughing. He laughs along with him.] [Cut back to the study.]
Mr. Lewis: People think I have got the power cause I've got the monkeys. Nope. I've got the power because I'll let the monkeys loose... They don't understand......
Manservant: If he says he'll let the monkeys loose, he WILL let the monkeys loose.
Mr. Lewis: They goddamn don't understand THAT... and they goddamn don't understand me. But that's okay. That's all right, see... cause people.. they understand monkeys.
peace out yo, and watch out for those monkeys

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