Can I Go Back to the Dive Bar Now? I Don't Want to be Trendy Anymore.

So a couple friends dragged me to a night club last night with hilarious results. Normally I would have just sent them on their way and went back to partaking in the fabulous drink specials of a Saturday night at the Rathskeller but unfortunately I had been enjoying the fabulous drink specials at the Rathskeller a little too long and that made a trip to Lulu's Night Club sound like a peachy idea.

The funny thing about me and clubs is that all parties involved quickly come to the realization that I am way out of my element.Usually the first hint is my Saturday night attire, this consists of jeans, a pair of vans, and an outdated band t-shirt(last night was Sonic Youth) and sometimes a button down shirt with the sleeves rolled up if I'm feeling particularly sophisticated. Now this is acceptable garb for a night at the Skeller or any of my other weekend haunts but it tends to make you stick out a bit in a room filled with popped colliers and b-ball jerseys. More than once I got a look from a scantily clad sorority type that obviously meant "what are you doing here?" to witch I non-verbally replied with a shrug that I thought most closely approximated me saying "I'm just as surprised as you"
It's just a completely different world in there, one were the skill set I've picked up in the Happy Valley just doesn't cut it. For instance the bartender looked at me like I had just said something very rude about his mother when I ordered a double after my first drink had less alcohol in it than the mouthwash I used this morning. Apparently the mission in these places is to consume as many of these watered down concoctions as you can and still leave as sober as a preacher on Sunday at the end of the night. And the request for a decent drink is the verbal equivalent of a punch in the nose.

There's also the problem of conversation, apparently your supposed to check your personality at the coat room because the people in the place may have been some of the most uninteresting creatures ever to grace the surface of gods green earth. For example a friend introduced me to a girl he knew, she seemed normal enough at first as we went through "preliminary" conversation (where are you from? what's your major?) but when it came time to move on to something a little more substantial she apparently left her mind at home with rest of the cloths that any normal person would have worn out of the house when its below 50 degrees outside.It was like talking to a brick wall in a pair of stilettos

Finally to top off this interesting evening I was talking to a few friends making it known that I had just about enough of the club scene for one evening and was ready for a cheap slice of pizza and a late night visit to my favorite residents of Penn Towers. Somewhere in the middle of the conversation this girl that I had never seen before in my life and chances are I'll never see again walks into the middle of our group and starts dancing with me. Now normally I would have played along, I mean I'm not a great dancer but I can move well enough to not be mistaken for an extra in Dawn of the Dead and after all it was a club, that dancing stuff does tend to happen occasionally. But I was tired and I didn't want to play anymore. Not to mention the fact that that this encounter occurred no where near the dance floor and in the middle of a very funny story. So I did the only reasonable thing I continued the story completely ignoring the gyrating occurring in my immediate vicinity. My friends claimed it was one of the funniest things they've ever seen as this pretty young sorority type was doing her thing and I was telling my story as if I were waiting at the bus stop. Looking back I can't help feel a little guilty about the encounter but honestly who dose that? And it's not like she was going to remember it the next day any way.

So I guess there really isn't a moral to the story, just a long list of reasons why I should not be allowed to go out to places the employ DJs and smoke machines or mix alcohol with energy drinks.

Next time can we please just stay at the Skeller?

peace out yo