The People of Minnesota vs The Nittanyproudfoot

I'm not allowed in the state of Minnesota anymore.

Don't act so surprised we all knew it was bound to happen sooner or later, I mean me and the Land of 1000 Lakes had been on a collision course for years.

Also it's safe to say that my invitation to the Annual Green Family Reunion and Fishing trip will not be forthcoming.

So before I could start my new job I had to take a couple of education field refresher courses, you know basic stuff; Dealing with Troubled Youth, First Aid, and Tackling Children 101. The classes were held in the same room from 9 to 5 every day for a week so I had plenty of time to get to know my classmates. The only problem was it was a fairly diverse group with very little in common. For instance the catalyst for my lifetime ban from Minnesota is a black man in his late 50's, lets go down the list of my favorite things and see what he can relate to....
1) Hockey - Nope- Went roller skating a few times thats about it
2) British Indie Rock - Nope- He'll stick with The Temptations
3) Recent World History - Nope not really his cup of tea
4) Being a White 20-Something-College-Grad - Nope
5) Football - Yes! Whooo this conversation is so on!

So the chat begins moving from the Steelers Playoff chances to potential draft picks and finally to coaches.
The topic starts well enough; Al Davis is a psycho, Tony Dungy built the Bucs Superbowl team, if Romeo Crenell makes the playoffs with the Browns again he's going to ge on hell of a contract and should be eligible for sainthood.

But then comes the moment of the storm as my new friend says " Black coaches are underrated in the league" Now for a lot of people this would be a moment to agree and move on rather that bring race into the picture. But to be honest I just consider the idea of race outdated, I associate with very few people with racist ideas and all of them are very old and very crazy. I refuse to back out of any conversation of race because I feel that gives strength to something that shouldn't matter in the first place. So here is what I told him

1Tony Dungy is one of the top 3 coaches in the NFL.

2 Mike Tomlin has already endeared himself to Steeler fans, if they don't treat him well when the teams not playing well its not because he's black its because they're psychotic and they treat the team like gods or mud depending on the score the previous Sunday. If he goes 9-7 things will be ugly, if he's 12-4 he'll get his own parody song on 'DVE that's just the way it is in this screwed up city. And yes racism dose exist here but a lot of those people were born before the forward pass so we'll just have to deal with it for a little longer.

3 Finally I came to my last point, this was so going to put that nail in the coffin, here is comes, it's going to be Me 1 - Racism 0,
"Plus how can you say that black coaches are underrated when Denis Green was the most overrated coach in the last 15 years? I mean don't get me wrong he was good with the Vikings but the Cardinals hired him to singlehandedly turn around their joke of a franchise.If that's not being overrated I don't know what is."

Wait what is it you just said my new football talken buddy? I didn't catch that last sentence you muttered through clenched teeth.

Ahh Denis Green's your first cousin, you're very close, you go fishing together every summer. Well I'm just going to go over there and pull my foot out of my mouth and cancel my vacation to St Paul.

If anyone gets a chance could they forward me a list of famous people from Pittsburgh that I should avoid mocking because their relative may be waiting at the bus station down the street?

Oh and you don't have to put Michael Keaton on the list because if I run into anyone from his family tree I will proudly exclaim that he is the finest eyebrow actor in these United States and that the film Multiplicity was a true work of art that should be preserved in the Smithsonian for the benefit of future generations.


Ok that's it for today, now where did i put that copy of Johnny Dangerously

Oh and Green in the words of Roman Maroni...
This is fargin war!



peace out yo