The Great Turkey LiveBlog

Somebody bought a Turkey and guess who has to cook it. That's right this guy.

And although I consider myself to be a cook of the highest order I have never done a turkey so I figured this could be an awesome chance to do a little live turkey-bloging. The bolggng's live hopefully the turkey's not.

10 Am The Hunt for Giblets

Ok honestly is it really necessary to leave a bag of guts inside a bird? I really don't need a bag of guts. As a matter of fact I'd drop an extra dollar or two to have a turkey sans-guts.

10:30 Am Progress Stopped Cold
Ok who's the jerk that didn't defrost the bird all the way? This is going to be one uber-long day.
Turkey plays hot tub in the sink I kill time watching an old western.

11:00Am All Greased Up and Ready for the Show
Bird out of the bath. De-Gutted and Sans-Neck all fired up and ready to go.
Grease that mother down and chuck it in the over. If my calculations are correct dinner will be ready sometime on Wednesday.

11:30 Am Dinner with a Happy Ending
Checking the internet for a good rub, I mean spices to put on the bird, get your mind out of the gutter.

11:45 Am More Than Meets the Eye
This website says you should name the turkey. So I hereby dub thee Optimums Prime.
12:00 PM Jimmy Stewart Real Action Hero
Watching this western when all of a sudden Jimmy Stewart, Its a Wonderful Life Jimmy Stewart, just stabbed a man in the head, apparently that's how the west was won

12:15 PM Got a Cup of All-Spark I can Borrow?
Check in on Optimums Prime, he hasn't transformed into dinner yet. Get your ass in gear Go-Bot.

12:30 Pm Gold in Them Thar Hills
Whoo! Grizzled old Miner is in this movie. When I turn 80 I'm going to start talking like that all the time dag-nab-it!

12:55 Funny Funny Jokes
What does a turkey eat on thanksgiving?
Nothing they're already Stuffed hahahahahahaha! Whoooooo!


1:15 PM You Blame Me and I Blame The Decepticons
Optimums Prime gets basted. I burn my arm on the door and immediately curse Megatron.

1:45 PM
Baste Optimums. Pop a couple aspirin, I think I pulled a muscle doing Zombie Nation on Saturday.

3:00 PM
Handful of basting breaks later Big O-Prime is still doing his thing in the oven.. Now I know why there's football on Thanksgiving, this is some long ass boring stuff. Started watching 25th Hour with Edward Norton and Rosiro Dawson, pretty good flick.

4:00 PM
The damn thermometer button thingy won't pop. From now on the thermometer button thingy will be known as the "F U I don't care if you're hungry, you can't eat yet Button"

4:20 PM
Ahhhhhhhhh! For the love of god "F U I don't care if you're hungry, you can't eat yet Button" Why don't you pop! I'm waisting away.

4:55PM
Optimus Prime is ready. Lets roll Autobots!

Next time I'm just ordering Chinese

Peace Out Yo