Reflections on the Upcoming Zombie Holocaust

It seems like the topic of the Zombie Holocaust keeps coming up in my day to day conversations (what? You don't ponder your itinerary for the day the dead rise angrily from their graves?) . And with Beth preparing to make her zombie movie in the very near future I've found myself pondering the question What film has most accurately portrayed the zombie produced carnage we will undoubtedly see before too much longer? After a lengthily contemplation of this quandary (conducted while I was pretending to pay attention to people who were talking to me) I've decided the single most accurate portrayal of the day your brain becomes the preferred dish of a Marauding hoard lacking vital signs is............................. drum roll pleases....................................................Shaun of the Dead

OK I know I just pissed off thousands and thousands of horror fans but hear me out. Here's my proof

1. The zombies don't run

2. The dead are recently dead. I've never understood how a corpse is expected to escape from a modern casket sealed in a cement vault. Also most older corpses are rotted enough that they're probably not of much use when it comes to reeking havoc on a major metropolitan area. That task usually requires slightly more mobility than a 10 year-dead-corpse posseses.

3. The human resistance doesn't have access to automatic weapons. Shooting zombies with a machine gun takes away from the story especially when it's entroduced earily in a movie. When the undead pay you an unexpected visit chances are your not going to be cleaning your AK-47, you'll probably have to make due with whatever is lying around. The first five zombie weapons in this move are... an patio umbrella stand, a glass, some records, a shovel, and a cricket bat. Now that's how you bitch slap some unruly cadavers that just don't know when its time to turn in for the long dirt-nap.

Oh Yea, if you some how manage to live through the upcoming brain buffet be sure to purchase your official Zombie Holocaust Survivor Magnetic Car Ribbon brought to you by the good people at BizzyWeen Productions.

peace out yo