Hey Remero, Turn Off the Fence, This City Deserves It

it's about 3 am and since i have to leave for work around 6 i guess sleep is a little out of the question. the reason i'm up so late? well, i went to a late showing of george a. remero's latest gore filled zombie extravaganza Land of the Dead.

Before i get down to what i do best ( writing lousy movie reviews that no one with half a brain would listen to) I have to diverge from this rather cheery post to say something else

Biz I'm sorry, leave it to the backwards idiots we share this town with to ruin one of the
few great things to emerge from the steel city in the last twenty years ( and no i don't
count michael keaton and dennis miller among them) if i had realized what was
going on i would have gladly switched seats with you so you didn't have to endure
those rejects doing their very poor impression of mystery science theatre 3000.
but alas, i have a tendency to be completely oblivious to my surroundings and i had
no idea what was going on. i know this movie meant a lot to you and i can't even
imagine what it would have been like if someone had done that to me during the
lord of the rings movies. the only words of advice i have is; try to think of what serge
would do in this situation. and if this line of thinking leads you to the hardware store
on a "supply run" i'll be more than happy to assist in the construction of whatever
device you devise to destroy those little bastards. and as always if the police are
asking for an alibi i'm more than happy to provide one of those as well. "No Officer
She couldn't have killed those punks by making them watch Mr. and Mrs. Smith 17
times in a row, she was hangen with me"

Right, with that said lets get back to what's really important, flesh eating zombies !
Since it's now nearly 4am and i'm finding hard to string together a coherent paragraph i guess i'll have to go back to my faithful companion The List Post

- Land takes place in a post-zombie invasion world where one of the few remaining bastions of human society is pittsburgh, surrounded by rivers on two sides and a giant "jurassic park-style" electric fence on the other. I've come to the realization that the only possible way to convince people to stay in the city is to blow up the bridges, build a giant electric fence, and surround the whole thing with zombies. even then the main characters are willing to risk thousands of miles of zombie waistland on the way canada rather that staying here.


- why am i not surprised that pittsburghers, even when they're in a state of decomposition, still drop everything to watch fireworks. this town is so obsessed with them it only makes sense that zombie fighting mercenaries would utilize them as a distraction. in the movie the zombies eventually stop falling for this clever ruse as they become more intelligent . I however have a different theory for the living dead's reaction, the mercenaries probably ran out of Zambelli fireworks. Pittsburghers will only accept the best when it comes to colorful explosions in the sky.

- for years public officials have been trying to raise funds to build a tunnel under the allegheny river to the north shore. i personally have always considered this a stupid, useless, and very expensive idea. romero incorporated this idea in his script and after seeing the potential of this tunnel during a zombie holocaust i am willing to reconsider my position on this project.

- finally, i was amused to see that the lead zombie in this flick was in fact a full service gas station attendant( my curent form of employment). but this leaves a very large hole in the credibility of the story. The main zombie is supposedly evolving into some form of advanced "thinkin zombie". I've met a lot of people that hang out in gas stations and i'm not sure that some of them have evolved into homo sapiens yet. i consider their ability to lead a zombie revolt sketchy at best.

ok well it's getting close to 5 am and i should probably shower before i go to work so this post should probably come to an end.

remember a good crack to the head will put an end to any living dead you find shuffling around the back yard

peace out yo