Happy St Prakits Day Weekend!

It's St Prakits Day Weekend. If your good St Prakit will bring you Malt Liquor and cheap Gas Station Cigars.
But if your bad he's going to bust a cap in your ass with his trusty glock.

And I heard him exclaim as he scurried out of sight....

" eeeeeeeeee, drink up you japansies , yea! Hug Life"


peace out yo

Don't Listen to this Man!

So in an attempt to get more worthless stuff on this page in a timely manner I have turned to the one man in this world I despise above all others, my former roommate and archenemy Brian. You can expect a return to the high level of internet magic you usually find on this site in the not so distant future (lets say Sunday-ish)

I've spent the last half hour trying to think of a name for this new reoccurring(?) article. Here's the list of potential names...

1. Ask Frankenberry
2. Swatcats Corner
3. Douchebag with a Computer: The Brian Chronicles

After much thought I've decided to go with something a little more to the point. So without further adieu I give to you the premier episode of...

Don't listen to this Man!

Well, because Matt neglects his blog much like the Spears family neglects the use of birth control, he has allowed me, his former roommate and arch-nemesis, to make some semi-regular posts to keep you people interested (Like you really were before) in his absence. So, to give you the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to venture into my mildly entertaining and slightly disturbing world, I’m going to regale you with little story about my last haircut. Exciting, I know. This is my first blog post, so I’m going to apologize in advance for it sucking, but seriously I don’t apologize because I don’t know you and you probably can’t do any better than this either. Unless you are the next Hemmingway or something (I know I like to drink heavily and degrade women while I write). Anyways, here goes nothing.

Now, because I’m beginning to look like Peter from The Brady Bunch, its about time for me to get a haircut, so I take a trip after work to the local Supercuts. I’ve always gotten my hair did at “the ‘cuts”, mostly due to the fact that there is at least one good looking girl working who likes to wear a low cut shirt that shows off some reasonably impressive cleavage. (I’m a virile male in his prime. Don’t judge me.) Luckily for me, this was one of those times.

So in between me staring at this girls ample chesticles and pretending not to when she looks at me, she decided to strike up a conversation about all the basic crap everyone who doesn’t know you and doesn’t care what you have to say asks you about. I hate that. You see, I have an unwritten rule that I like to follow while getting my haircut: Don’t talk to the haircutter whilst she is cutting hair. I know it seems like an odd rule to have, but I’d rather have the person cutting my hair less interested in my favorite color, and more so on not mutilating me with the 6” pair of shears being held ever so close to my head. Call me paranoid, but whatever. And its not like I ignore people when they say something to me, I just give shortened answers. Usually just a simple yes or no. (I tried to write a plural “yes” there and spellcheck autocorrected to “yeses”. Weird, huh?)

So this girl starts cutting and is asking me a bunch of questions about where I live and shit like that, to which I give my quick and dirty answers to. I probably seem like an ass, but again, I have my rule and I’m still being polite and responding appropriately. As she’s going through the whole haircut routine, she seems to care less and less about the quality of work being done, like she has some new and amazing form of Super-ADD that only allows her 30 seconds of focus before not giving a complete and total shit anymore. Her whole modus operandi went from hair-cutting professional to Helen Keller with a Weedwacker in under 3 minutes time, with my hair being the obvious victim.

At this point, she pauses to for both of us to sit back for a moment and reflect on the work that was just done. This is also the point where I commit a very big no-no. She runs her hand through my mangled mane and grabs a fistful to show me as she asks the question “What do you think?”. Now my mind is still around the vicinity of two minutes ago where the Demon Barber (Barbette?) of Fleet Street is taking chunk after inglorious chunk out of my hair, leaving me in a state of semi-shock and partial dismay. So I go fishing for the only words that I can formulate and let them drip and dangle from my tongue like a 4-day old piece of fish left to rot in the sun.

“It’s alright.”

Good god what have I done. This woman is holding a very large potential murder weapon in her hand and my arms are trapped under this vinyl sheet of death that prevents me from mounting any sort of defense against an incoming attack.

Some of you are probably saying “What’s the big deal, Brian? ‘It’s alright’ seems like a harmless enough statement.” and to you folks I say; Wrong. You see, the exact words I said were “it’s alright” but by reading the context and tone in which it was said, you could see the true statement uttered was “Fuck you, you crazy psycho bitch. This haircut fucking blows giant ass chunks.”

Needless to say, the rest of the haircut was held in silence and an unhappy haircut girl managed to exact revenge by ignoring any and all requests by me about the rest of the cut, which resulted in me losing a good inch of sideburn on one side, and about a half of inch on the other. Also needless to say, I quickly paid the fee without complaint and got the fuck out of Dodge as soon as humanly possible so I could scamper home and fix the damage done.

And that is basically the story of my social ineptitude and superhuman ability to create awkward situations out of almost nothing at all. Sorry for the length of this post, but don’t worry, from here on out they will be much shorter and hopefully less painful for you and less physically disfiguring for me.

Also, look back about 4 paragraphs ago and read that shit again. It’s a god damn literary masterpiece. Maybe I am the next Hemmingway, so here’s hoping the next beer is on you!

Editors Note:

Yea Hemingway also blew his brains out with a shotgun he purchased at Abercrombie &Fitch, while living in Idaho. Fingers crossed this trend continues.
Oh and Hemingway is spelled with one "m" you jackass.

ok gang that's it for now check back sunday for new mindless banter

peace out yo

Botox is the Dark Side of The Schwartz

This just in to The Nittanyproudfoot News Room



A recent study by the FDA has concluded the pumping your face full of
toxins in order to limit the signs of the natural aging process could be harmful to your health.


We were able to catch up with Botox Company spokes person Pizza the Hut of Spaceballs Fame.
In response to the allegations that his company's product could have severe health risks he had this to say...


We here at the Botox Company make the safety of our customers our highest priority. Those crackpots at the FDA don't know what they're talking about. It is completely safe to inject our toxin errrrr I mean.... product into your face. Trust me I'm not only the spokesperson I've also been using the product since 1987

If Mr. the Hut says the product is safe then that's good enough for us here at the Nittanyproudfoot. Go ahead and shoot up America!




You can't argue with results like these









Editors note:
Only days after this interview was taped Mr. the Hut was found unresponsive in the back of his limo. Apparently he had locked himself in and was forced eat his person in order to stave off starvation . He was rushed to the nearest emergency room/Italian Bistro but it was too late. Pizza is survived by a side of bread sticks and his life partner Louie Anderson.

ok someone pass the face altering chemicals and marinara sauce

peace out yo

Let Me Take You Down, 'Cause I'm Going to...

Forty-four years ago today an event occurred that changed the world.

No government was overthrown, no leader assassinated, no conflict was sparked. Quit simply four kids from Liverpool stepped on to the stage at CBS Studio 50 in New York City and sang a song.

The kids were John, Paul, George, and Ringo. The Stage was the set of the Ed Sullivan Show and the impact was immeasurable.

No I'm not talking about the end of Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey where the Wylde Stalynz song saves the world. The Beatles impact was much more subtle. After all Sullivan was the moral censor of America, a one man television network (kinda like a 1950s Oprah that didn't give cars away but also wasn't bugging you to read all the time) . You tell our buddy Eddy-S you want a Revolution and he's going to tell you to cut you hair and get a job in the Asbestos Plant.


Ed Sullivan Says...

"If you don't like the modern miracle that is Asbestos your a dirty filthy Communist!"





No the Beatles didn't play Happiness is a Warm Gun or anything even remotely inflammatory that night, in fact the evenings most risque number was probably I Want to Hold Your Hand. The songs the Beatles played that night didn't change the world but it did create the most profound connection between an artiest and a generation popular culture has ever known. Its difficult to find anything to comparable to it. Nirvana's Smells like Teen Spirit?, Springsteen's Born in the USA? Grandmaster Flash's The Message? They're all ground breaking but they can't hold a candle to the moment the Baby Boomers met The Beatles.

On Sunday February 9th, 73,700,000 people watched a band sing " She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah:. On Monday February 10th the youth of America began picking up guitars and growing their hair out like the Fab Four. What would Ed Sullivan have said if he had known that the simple act of letting a couple of Britts preform on his weekly show would be the first shot of a cultural revolution?

Only a few years later many of the kids that watched a harmless band preform on the most holy bastion of 1950's American culture, The Ed Sullivan Show, would be taking part in some of the great moments of the 20th century. These youth would walk with King and Bobby Kennedy in the spring of 1968, they would accompany Timothy Leary on his Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test, they would close down the administration building at Howard University, and face the brutal force of the establishment on the the streets of Chicago during the Democratic National Convention

Not bad for four kids from an English port town singing about holding hands


On a related note ...

The DVD for Across the Universe was released this week. It's a musical made up entirely of Beatles song set in 1960's New York. I caught it when it was in theaters and I highly recommend it.

Also...
Maharishi Mahesh Yogi the man The Beatles studied under on their 1968 trip to India passed away this week. He was responsible for the development of Transcendental Mediation

Transcendental Meditation attempts to settle down the thinking process until the subject experiences “pure consciousness.” I actualy taught a lesson on the subject this fall and along with being a very healthy practice for mind and body the technique dose in fact create altered brain waves in some subjects. So yea, at least in my opinion, it is possible to reach an altered state of consciousness using the technique.

Alright maybe I'll go meditate. On second thought I'm going to go watch Cartoons instead.

peace out yo

Putting on the foil...want some Coach?

Alright time to drop the gloves for Hockey

I stumbled across this Harris Poll the other day. Cause you know me I love to cruse the computer internet for scientific studies on random unimportant subjects. Anyway the poll found that hockey is now the fifth ranked sport in the United States behind Pro and College Football, Baseball, and NASCAR.

I know a lot of people out there aren't fans of my favorite pastime but you have to admit that no sport puts up with as much crap. Most of the air time on ESPN is accompanied by snide remarks and condescending references to that Clown-Shoe Gretzky. The League has been banished to a disused cable channel thats home to Professional Bull Fighting and Hunting Shows.

But in spite of all of this the sport has actually managed to grow. Youth hockey continues to expand, attendance is up league wide, and the New Years Day game between the Penguins and the Sabers set a Twelve year record for ratings and an NHL record for Single Game Attendance.

So I'm not going to sit here and say that you'll be watching Game 7 of the Cup Finals instead of the Super Bowl next year. But would a little respect be so much to ask for?

On a lighter note:
The post title come from one of the greatest sports movies ever, Slapshot, it was actually filmed in Johnstown. If you've never seen the movie its safe to say you've never lived. And though I hate to say it the following clip is an accurate depiction of some of the lower end minor league games I've seen.

So watch the CLIP and until next time Keep your Sticks on the Ice

peace out yo

http://www.harrisinteractive.com/harris_poll/index.asp?PID=866

Something From the Archives

So I found this while I was pulling the site out of the mothballs yesterday and its so good I think I'll post it again. So welcome to the first episode of a new series
Nittanyproudfoot Classics!

Ok honestly I just figured this would be a good way to keep the site fresh without having to constantly write new posts. But really this is pretty good stuff. It was originally posted in the Fall of 2005


Now is about the time you should start doing the time travel hand thing from Wayne's World

A Steel City Exorcism


So apparently the tourism industry of Thailand is having a difficult time rebuilding after last Decembers tsunami. The reason? according to Suwalai Pinpradab of the Tourism Authority of Thailand many Asia beach goers refuse to return to Asia's southern beaches because they believe them to be haunted by the spirits of tsunami victims.

Well if you were dead were would you rather be? Taken the long dirt nap in Akron Ohio or spending eternity lounging in the warm sand of the South Pacific? Unfortunately bringing in paying customers takes priority over the comfort of freeloading poltergeists so the Tourism Authority of Thailand is doing what any reasonable 21st century government would do.

A statue of Godmother Ruby (aka Mazu in Chinese) will be taking up residence on the Thai island of Phuket. Ruby's job? Ghost eviction of course. Sorry Casper, it really sucks you were crushed by a monstrous wave and all but I really wanna do some boogie-boarding and your creeping me out.

So this got me thinking. Maybe when the Thai Government is all done playen Ghostbusters in Paradise they can ship good old Godmother Ruby to Pittsburgh's North Shore because according to Ween, Tommy Maddox has been dead for quite a while now and yet he continues to show up week after week at Heinz Field. There's only room for one evil spirit in "The Coca-Cola Great Hall" and Rod Woodson has seniority.

peace out yo

Don't Call It a Comback

Ah Yes; Back by Lack of Popular Demand.

So here was the plan

Step 1.
Start a blog and post regularly
Step 2.
Gain a sizable following and entertain them with my witty banter
Step 3.
Completely ignore the site for the better part of a year thereby angering all regular readers and completely destroying all that pesky website traffic.
Step 4.
??????????????
Step 5.
A reoccurring guest spot on the now revamped television program Perfect Strangers!


But alas my master plan never came to fruition. Apparently they were never able to locate the dumpster that Bronson Pincho is living in nowadays .
And Mark Linn-Baker is still a little bitter because he's always mistaken for the guy that played Dudley "Booger" Dawson in Revenge of the Nerds.

So with my dreams of sitcom glory extinguished for the moment I guess I'll turn my creative energies back to this train wreck. Oh and speaking of Perfect Strangers word on the street is that there will soon be a DVD of the first two seasons and if that doesn't make you want to do the Dance of Joy you might as well hand in your membership card to the Human Race.

According to our crack team of Investigative Journalists here at The Nittanyproudfoot Curtis Armstrong the actor that portrayed Booger is currently serving a prison sentence for repeatedly breaking a restraining order taken out by a Mr. John Cusack. Apparently Armstrong had on a number of occasions attempted to get Mr. Cusack to sign on to a new project he believed would jump start his career. The film entitled Better Off Dead 2 : Dead Meat; would feature Cusack and Armstrong as buddy cops fighting an army of those dancing Hamburgers featured in the first movie. The police finally had to be summoned when Mr. Armstrong showed up on Cusack's lawn wearing a giant burger costume holding a boom-box over his head.


Whimsical 80's Icon or Heartless Killing Machine?
You be the Judge



We recently had a chance to sit down with Mr Armstrong who is currently on work release to UPN network. Although most of the conversation took the form of indecipherable mutterings and those earth shattering the belches he made famous as Booger in the Revenge movies we were able to pull out a few words..... something about a conspiracy involving "New Coke" "Reganonimics", and "Cabbage Patch Kids" Immediately after finishing this statement Armstrong screamed "Tell Cyndi Lauper I'm sorry" and passed out.


Conspiracy perpetrated by Regan Administration?





Ok references to the Gipper, Perfect Strangers, and Dudley Dawson, and Better Off Dead in one post. Yea I think it's safe to say the Nittanyproudfoot is back.

Stay Tunned Boys and Girls We're Back on the Air

and as always.....

peace out yo