Proudfoot Classics: What should I Do If The Internet Goes Down?

The Following Post was written back in the Fall of 2005, that magical time when MRob was the Quaterback, Lenny was a Banana, and Velveeta played Nickle Nite at the Crowbar...ah yes the Golden Age of Civilization. Enjoy Kiddies......

Prepare to be informed
Every year we grow more and more dependent on the Internet. But would you know what to do if your connection suddenly went down? Internet failure down No one knows when the Internet will fail. It could happen at any time, leaving you bereft of your e-mail, your sports scores, and your Blogs. Therefore, it's important that you and your family have a contingency plan for just such an emergency. If your connection to Cyberspace were to ever get severed, you should at least be prepared. We have included a few key points that should assist you if that were to happen.
1. Panic! An excited, agitated state will give you that heightened sense of awareness and will increase your thought processes allowing you to come up with rational solutions. Panic is just nature's way of putting your body into over-drive. It's a defense mechanism that gives you an edge when dealing with potentially harmful situations, such as a severed arm or the loss of your Internet.

2. Find A Telephone Do you have access to a telephone line? Early computers connected to the Internet using a dial-up device along with a hardware device known as a "modem." Since this technology is obsolete, it will be of no use to you. Instead, use your telephone to call your friends to see if their connection is also down, as you will have lost the ability to send an email or an instant message. You can also use a telephone to call 911, an emergency service that will first tell you to calm down, and then will send out specially-trained technicians to find the source of the Internet's failure.

3. Use Your Back-Up Computer It's always good to have an emergency laptop handy, in case you need to hurry over to a buddy's place where the Net is still up. If there is still no Internet at that location, at the very least you could connect to a small network or LAN (Less-than Adequate Network). Laptops can also be placed on tables at coffeeshops, while you sit around with a latte, nervously waiting for your connection to be restored.

4. Install A Game In emergency situations, installing a single-player computer game can occupy your down-time. While it won't replace the adrenaline rush of intense networked multiplayer action provided by the Internet, a quick game of Sim City or Flight Simulator may distract you long enough for your connection to return.

5. Perform Routine Maintenance While programs such as Norton Antivirus have removed most of the tedium of computer system maintenance, nothing could help pass the time faster than cleaning out your hard drive, emptying your cache, or organizing your celebrity fake porn collection. Take the time to stare at your screen while you perform a defragmentation. The time will literally fly while you barely notice your separation from the Internet.

6. Turn On A Television Or Radio Televisions, strange boxes that sit in your parents' living rooms, were once used to provide entertainment, long before DVDs and Playstations were invented. Televisions have the capability of broadcasting streaming information similar to the content on multimedia websites. With a "remote control," a wireless device that is like a small one-handed keyboard, you may be able to surf a limited number of "channels," while you deal with the loss of your connection. Unfortunately, television is only a one-way media. In ancient times, radios were also used to entertain. A radio allowed you to listen to news, sports, and music, much the same way that you listen to live streaming audio on a Shoutcast server. Like the television, a radio will only have a limited selection of listening stations, and no video. Hopefully your separation from the Internet will be brief.

7. Read People in pre-Internet times used to read "books" and "magazines", written materials once created in printable format to pass the time. Some e-books are still available on paper, and may offer a short-term solution until your power is back and your broadband is restored. If reading is not an option, as a last resort, you may wish to try doing "chores," or try your hand at cooking. While these activities cannot replace the Internet, they may be able to make the down-time a little more tolerable.

8. Go Outside The idea of leaving your workstation may seem a little extreme, but you can perform errands that you normally get parents or spouses to do: grocery shopping, dry cleaning, etc. Leaving your dorm room, basement, or above-garage apartment suite, may be risky, but again, the time may afford an effective distraction from your Internet woes. NOTE: Be careful to avoid the sun, because your pasty white skin will not be used to the exposure.

9. Spend Time With Your Spouse Communicating with your wife or girlfriend may seem like a radical suggestion, but the time investment may offer long-term rewards. Spending any amount of time talking about your "relationship" may free up more Internet time for you later on, when your ADSL or Cable link to the World Wide Web has been restored. WARNING: These will probably be the longest hours of your life.

10. Use Your Emergency AOL Disk If you find that your connection to the Internet is going to be longer than you can possibly stand, as a last resort, pull out an emergency AOL CD, the one with 910 free hours of connection to the AOL service. Take the CD in one hand...and slash it across your wrist! Suicide will probably be a better alternative than connecting to that service.

Hopefully some of these Internet alternatives will be able to assist you during an offline crisis. Emergency radio broadcasts will likely advise you of the state of the Internet and be able to predict when your bandwidth will be restored, but remember to have an emergency plan in case your digital detachment is longer than you expect

Peace out yo

My Tale of Two Cities

So this was supposed to be a post-Pennsylvania Primary rant but two months and about a half dozen edits later it has taken on a life of its own.

I swear if you think this is depressing (all be it hilarious) you should have see what I originally wrote here. I would have been required to send out individual servings of Prozac with each internet hit, as opposed to now when I only occasionally pass out mind alternating substances via the internet (stay tuned boys and girls its only a few short weeks till the Nittanyproudfoot's 15th Annual Black Tar Heroin Day!)


So with out further adieu I give you what should have been the obligatory post-election rant (now would be a good time to cue some sweet entrance music I'm thinking Muse: Knights of Cydonia)........

For years I have read a website written by a man in the Mon Valley, in fact I think that his father or some other close relative was my seventh grade math teacher (sorry Mr. T, Algebra still makes my head a little fuzzy) This website (link in the side bar) spends a lot of time analyzing a topic that has become very near and dear to my heart; the image and conditions of Western Pennsylvania. Seeing as I was born here, raised here, and have intentions or at least aspirations of living here I would like to see conditions improve. The area has a bad rep and in many instances it is not entirely deserved.

There was a lot of media attention on the area in the week leading up to the election. There were even mentions of the 'port in The New York Times (motto: Read Us If You Want to Hook Up With College Girls Rocking the Sexy Librarian Look and Are Members of the Young Democrats) and The Guardian (motto: Dear America, There Are Other Bloody Countries You Know; And Stop Making Fun of My British Accent!)

For the most part the images they presented were less than complimentary but certainly not anything new. Apparently since I live in the Pittsburgh region I should be a laid-off factory worker with only a High School education and only a weak grasp on the English language. Now I don't know about you dear readers but I have yet to stop by the local tavern for a shot and a beer after a long shift at the blast furnace that I guess I should be working at. The closest thing I can think of is skipping class on a Thursday morning to drink carbombs.

Seriously, this is what a Native American must have felt like watching a 1950's Western or how the Sasquatch community felt like after the release of Harry and the Henderson's (Jon Lithgow is still a marked man is some militant Yeti circles)



Bigfoot Says......

"Jon Lithgow is a racist jerk. I laughed when he died at the end of Cliffhanger. Oh Yea and Third Rock From the Sun really wasn't that funny. Hey John, Coneheads called they want their idea back".





Think about it , the town is even type cast by the sports media. They're still using that old stock footage of molten steel along with the live view from the Incline (it goes up a hill big whoop) and someone making a Pirmanit sandwich. Pittsburgh teams are always "blue collar" just like their loyal fans. News flash guys, 2 out of the last 3 major sports teams to win major championships have been high flying hockey teams where defense took a back seat to talent and scoring. Mario doesn't drink Iron City, and wasn't too keen on playing defense, just ask Ron Francis who had to clean up after him and Jagr.

I think what upsets me more than the stereotype is how readily locals live down to them. Maybe we should spend a little less time trying to convince the rest of the of the world that our city doesn't look like Mordor with Mullets and spend a little more time acting up to the image we're trying to create. I mean we see all the hype for a new hip techno savvy Burgh but apart from shopping malls and industrial parks on old industrial brown sites where the proof? I moved back to this area 6 months ago and from what I've seen its only a matter of time before we get our own themed area at a Disney park.

Hey Kids Welcome to Pittsburgh World!

Grab your toy babushkas and hard hats and take a tour....

Straight ahead is Mon Valley Street USA, lets go to the gift shop! you can tell which one it is because its the only establishment occupying a store front that isn't a Dollar Store of an Illegal Poker Machine Parlor. Wow Weee! Look at all those soaped up windows it's like we're really there.

Up ahead just past the Fifth and Forbes Food Court is The Hall of Democratically Elected Officials! Hey Big Apple you can brag about machine politics all you want but guess what? Boss Tweed got caught. Pittsburgh 250 years of corruption and going strong! Make sure you you visit the park during April when all visitors can vote in the most important election of the year to determine which Democrat will run unopposed in November.

And if you enjoyed that you're going to love our newest addition to the park. Port Authority's Wild Ride! Hop in our State of the Art car designed to look like a Tunnel Boring Machine and travel half way underneath a scale model of the 3 Rivers. Come back in 15 years when you can actually connect to the next ride. Pirates of the Monongahela a delightful little animitronic voyage that always ends with fireworks, a bobblehead, and the feeling that those weren't real baseball players that you just saw only puppets wearing nifty uniforms. Arrgh matey set sail for the bottom of the standings!

Folks I have some bad news PAT (that is... Pittsburgh-land Adventure Trolley) service between Mon Valley Street USA and the rest of the park has been shut down to help pay for Port Authority's Wild Ride. But don't worry kiddies all this fun is just a rusted out T-Bird drive away. After all you wouldn't want to miss our next ride of the day. The Poverty Neck Hillbilly's Country Jamboree; watch as they mix the stereotypes of down-on-their-luck factory workers with country bumpkins to hilarious results! It's like the Dear Hunter and Deliverance all rolled into one!

Alright folks if you'll just follow me well wrap up our tour in Tomorrow-of- Allegheny-County-Land.

Ring..... Ring...... Ring

Hang on Gang, I'm getting a call from the parks office.........

(yes.....yes.... we were just finishing up......oh I see...ok thanks jimmy)

Hey folks I've got some more bad news. Apparently the bridge to Tomorrow-of-Allegheny-County-World just collapsed, we're going to have to wait for that sweet skeeball revenue to come in before we get it repaired. I guess you are just going to have to do a little imagineering to figure out how we get from here to the high tech metropolis waiting on the other shore.

Thanks and enjoy the rest of your day here at Pittsburgh Land, The Rust Belts Finniest Traditional Amusement Park.


Maybe this is just the elitist ramblings of some jerk that went away to school and came back filled with a little too much hot air. But if that's the case why am I still here? Face it Pittsburgh it's time to stop playing in the Amusement Park and actually fix this city.

Oh by the way can I suggest we start by tearing down Oakland?
Just a thought.

Peace out yo

The Nittanyproudfoot Summer Music Preview: Brought to You by the International Coiled Metal Alliance

Since I'm finishing my current job on Sunday and have no intentions of starting a new one for at least a week and a half I figured selling advertisement time for the annual Nittanypoudfoot Summer Music Preview would be a hell of a way to keep me in lime flavored gin and tonic water for a few weeks. So after an exhaustive search we here at the Nittanyproudfoot have found a cause that we are proud to endorse.

Ladies and Gentlemen the Nittanyproudfoot Summer Music Preview will begin after the following commercial brought to you by the good people of the International Coiled Metal Alliance


Not only are we here at the Nittanyproudfoot proud to be associated this fine cause, we are pleased to announce the start of Coiled Metal Awareness Month

Folks Welcome to the Summer of the Spring!


The International Coiled Metal Alliance: Nittanyproudfoot Summer Music Preview

One of the great parts of Summer is being poolside with burgers on the grill and some good music in the background. There nothing I love more a summer party winding down in the small hours of the morning with a solid playlist that's just loud enough to annoy your douchebag grad student neighbors without getting the authorities involved.

There are some things that are always welcome in a summer playlist; ska and reggae get more of a starting role than those midwinter parties and you are required by law to have the obligatory Sublime and Oasis singalongs. Throw in whatever that summers musical fad may be ( personally I was a big fan of Jay-zeezer on the 1-3-4 porch) and your mix is nearly finished.
So with the start of another summer here's a couple new(er) additions to the MP3 player to help you put that playlist over the top. I'm too lazy to write a decent review for each album so just check out the videos, look up some of the other songs, and pretend like I actually put the work I should have into this post.

The Red Album - Weezer





Here We Stand - The Fratellis



The Age Of The Understatement- The Last Shadow Puppets


Konk- The Kooks



Vampire Weekend - Vampire Weekend





That's all I've got for now. You should seriously check out these bands there is some uber-good music here. And if you want a legitimate music reviews head over to Just Like Sunny Day Real Estate. Those fine folks do a much better job than this joke of a website. Alright I've had enough of this travesty of a post I'm heading to the pool

peace out yo

one angry man

Today I spent my day off work taking part in the ultimate inconvenience of our American Constitution. Our Founding Fathers for some reason had the crazy idea that we all have the right to a trial by an impartial jury of our peers (apparently gun toting cokeheads that like to stab people for the hell of it are our peers) I spent 8 hours sitting in a room counting the fat rolls on the back of the neck of the gentlemen sitting in front of me. For completing this great patriotic task I was paid $12.37 and given one coupon for 50% off at a number of fine Pittsburgh eateries(woooooo! $2.50 footlong sub! eat fresh and cheap!). Upon completing my civic duty and returning home someone ask if I had learned anything about our great judicial system. And as a matter of fact I did.

Never again will I believe anything I see in a Pauly Shore movie. Jury Duty is not fun, you don't get a lovable k9 sidekick and you defiantly don't get to hook up with that hot Asian chick from Wayne's World at the end of the day As of this moment I'm canceling my reservations to the Bio-Dome and I'm throwing out the caveman thawing in my garage.

hey pauly.....your a fraud budddddeeeeeee



peace out yo

There are 30 teams in the NHL only one goes home happy.

Tonight the long road to the Stanley Cup came to an end. Tomorrow the temperature will be almost 90 but somewhere in Western Pennsylvania a group of kids will congregate in a parking lot. They'll bring their mylec pads, their overpriced composite sticks, the jerseys their idols and they will play the game they love.

That is the passion of hockey player. A pure love of the game that makes a person shovel a foot of snow off of a pond just to play a 2 hour pick up game It makes a normally sane person put on 20 lbs of sweaty goalie equipment when the rest of the world is cowering with their central air.

For the first time in my life I saw a professional team play with the same passion and love as the kids in the parking lot.

You may be able beat a team like that in a series but they'll only come back stronger the next time.

Tonight it hurts...But tomorrow is Going to be a Great Day for Hockey

Fight on Pens

Big Game Tonight; Why don't we lighten the mood eh?

Hall Gill




Mic'd Up With the Flower



Gary Roberts Interview



Mic'd Up With Jarkko Ruutu








It's a Great Day for Hockey

So You Want to Be a Hockey Fan?

So you decided to be a hockey fan? You got yourself a powder blue t-shirt and memorized the names of the players on the third line. You even went as far as to put a "Gary Roberts for President" sign in your cubicle at work. We'll it's time to show your mettle. You're a hockey fan? Prove it.

Fans are not made during 16 game winning streaks or during the grand spectacle of an outdoor game. You can watch the games during the great moments and championship but you won't be a fan until you've gone to a completely different place with the team. When you've seen Rico Fata used in the promotional literature of your team, when your star goaltender is being pelted with rubber rats in a South Florida rink, when you watch a hated rival destroy you playoffs aspirations in the small hours of the morning on a single shot then your a hockey fan.


I understand that for every kid that sat down on a June night in 1991 fell in love with a team there were others that opted to watch a VHS of Slimer! and the Real Ghostbusters (more on that in the next post) So you want to be a hockey fan?....well here's your chance. The team you claim to cheer for is about to play their biggest game in a decade and a half.

Where are you going to be tonight? Your team is down 3-1 to the powerhouse Detroit Red Wings in the Stanley Cup Finals. The hockey world is watching, the real Penguin fans are watching, we'll see you on the other side if you make the trip.

In the darkest moments of a hockey season its always best to remember the words of Pengins Coach Badger Bod Johnson

Its a Great Day for Hockey

and you know what, it really is

peace out yo