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April 29, 2008

I Like My Playoffs Like I Like My Chinese Food; With No MSG


First off I would like to take this opportunity to accept the award for the worst joke in the history of professional hockey.
MSG---Madison Square Garden.....hahahahaha!
(God sometime I hate myself)


Anyway I didn't write this post to make witty jokes about funny arena names if I wanted to do that this would be about the 95KGGO Arena in Urbandale, Iowa . No this post is a formal accusation of fraud against the New York Rangers.

In a sick attempt to create a new generation super-hockey-players the Rangers began testing the ability enhancing attributes of crack cocaine on hockey players ( hey I didn't say they were smart only sick deceitful cheaters) Their first subject was my all time favorite hockey player Kevin Stevens.

When Stevens was traded from the Penguins he was one of the elite power forwards in the league. By 2000 Stevens had hit rock bottom as he was found smoking crack in a St Louis motel room with a prostitute (man I hate when that happens). Shortly after the incident the Rangers traded Stevens to Philadelphia (a place where a crackhead can blend in) and closed down their Super-Stoner Program in favor of just buying other teams best players.

Recent events in the the NHL Playoffs have prompted the fine folks at the Nittanyproudfoot Investigative Journalism Devision ( motto: Yea...We Didn't Even Know We Existed) to reopen our extensive files on the incident and it has led us to conclude that in the salary cap era the Rangers have resurrected their Crackhead Development Program.

Our Proof?

Or How About this

And finally is this the goatee of a sober man?
We rest our case

Peace out Yo


P.S. Sean Avery sucks toes for coke, but if you ask nicely he'll do it for free

April 27, 2008

Breaking News



This just in to Nittanyproudfoot World News Headquarters in Tube City Pa

A reliable source in the upper echelon of management of the computer internet; a Mr. A. Gore formally of Tennessee. Has informed us here at The 'Proudfoot that a new website has appeared in recent weeks. Mr. Gore has confirmed that the publisher is none other than arch-nemesis and all around douche Brian

Brian ( pictured to the right just moments before he singlehandedly ate an entire litter of kittens) has created a new writing style based around an age old theory that if you gave a thousand monkeys a thousand typewriters and had them write for a thousand years you would be able to produce work of Shakespearian quality.

Brian's new attempt at internet fame and possibly world domination is based off of a slightly skewed version of this theory. He believes that if you give a hundred monkeys a hundred laptops for a hundred minutes a day they will be able to produce writing of a slightly higher quality than the average blogger, the chimps will also spend slightly less time trowing poo than their average human counterpart.

So armed with a room of laptops stolen from inner-city classrooms and a brigade of monkeys acquired quite cheaply from circuses and old Hollywood moves (including the stars of Every Which Way But Loose and Dunston Checks In) Brian has set his sites on the computer internet. As I write this he is on his way to the Just Like Sunny Day Real Estate office in Baltimore, we here at The Nittanyproudoot wish the JLSDRE Crew a Happy Draft Day Weekend and caution them to beware of industrial sabotage, that cretin from the 134 Lounge cannot be trusted.






The 134 Lounge Staff hard at work on their latest post





As for the 134 Lounge itself, we here at The 'Proudfoot would like to see it succeed, after all it had it's start in our short lived 'Don't Trust This Man" segment. We feel like Oprah to their Dr Phil. Come to think of it there aren't many people we hate more that Brian and Dr. Phil except maybe Denis Green.....Damn You Dennis Green!

We here at The Nittanyproudfoot will not be updating to the new monkey and laptop form of publishing. Rest assured all our post will be made the old fashion way... by orphans hand writing each and every post in a sweatshop then having little old ladies in sub par nursing homes transcribe them using mac computers from 1988. Sometimes the old ways are still the best the orphan tears and arthritis provide a certain ambiance that the smell of apes just doesn't have.

Links to The 134 Lounge and JLSDRE can be found in the sidebar have a look

Peace Out Yo

April 25, 2008

The People of Minnesota vs The Nittanyproudfoot


I'm not allowed in the state of Minnesota anymore.

Don't act so surprised we all knew it was bound to happen sooner or later, I mean me and the Land of 1000 Lakes had been on a collision course for years.

Also it's safe to say that my invitation to the Annual Green Family Reunion and Fishing trip will not be forthcoming.

So before I could start my new job I had to take a couple of education field refresher courses, you know basic stuff; Dealing with Troubled Youth, First Aid, and Tackling Children 101. The classes were held in the same room from 9 to 5 every day for a week so I had plenty of time to get to know my classmates. The only problem was it was a fairly diverse group with very little in common. For instance the catalyst for my lifetime ban from Minnesota is a black man in his late 50's, lets go down the list of my favorite things and see what he can relate to....
1) Hockey - Nope- Went roller skating a few times thats about it
2) British Indie Rock - Nope- He'll stick with The Temptations
3) Recent World History - Nope not really his cup of tea
4) Being a White 20-Something-College-Grad - Nope
5) Football - Yes! Whooo this conversation is so on!

So the chat begins moving from the Steelers Playoff chances to potential draft picks and finally to coaches.
The topic starts well enough; Al Davis is a psycho, Tony Dungy built the Bucs Superbowl team, if Romeo Crenell makes the playoffs with the Browns again he's going to ge on hell of a contract and should be eligible for sainthood.

But then comes the moment of the storm as my new friend says " Black coaches are underrated in the league" Now for a lot of people this would be a moment to agree and move on rather that bring race into the picture. But to be honest I just consider the idea of race outdated, I associate with very few people with racist ideas and all of them are very old and very crazy. I refuse to back out of any conversation of race because I feel that gives strength to something that shouldn't matter in the first place. So here is what I told him

1Tony Dungy is one of the top 3 coaches in the NFL.

2 Mike Tomlin has already endeared himself to Steeler fans, if they don't treat him well when the teams not playing well its not because he's black its because they're psychotic and they treat the team like gods or mud depending on the score the previous Sunday. If he goes 9-7 things will be ugly, if he's 12-4 he'll get his own parody song on 'DVE that's just the way it is in this screwed up city. And yes racism dose exist here but a lot of those people were born before the forward pass so we'll just have to deal with it for a little longer.

3 Finally I came to my last point, this was so going to put that nail in the coffin, here is comes, it's going to be Me 1 - Racism 0,
"Plus how can you say that black coaches are underrated when Denis Green was the most overrated coach in the last 15 years? I mean don't get me wrong he was good with the Vikings but the Cardinals hired him to singlehandedly turn around their joke of a franchise.If that's not being overrated I don't know what is."

Wait what is it you just said my new football talken buddy? I didn't catch that last sentence you muttered through clenched teeth.

Ahh Denis Green's your first cousin, you're very close, you go fishing together every summer. Well I'm just going to go over there and pull my foot out of my mouth and cancel my vacation to St Paul.

If anyone gets a chance could they forward me a list of famous people from Pittsburgh that I should avoid mocking because their relative may be waiting at the bus station down the street?

Oh and you don't have to put Michael Keaton on the list because if I run into anyone from his family tree I will proudly exclaim that he is the finest eyebrow actor in these United States and that the film Multiplicity was a true work of art that should be preserved in the Smithsonian for the benefit of future generations.


Ok that's it for today, now where did i put that copy of Johnny Dangerously

Oh and Green in the words of Roman Maroni...
This is fargin war!



peace out yo

April 21, 2008

Go Vote!

"Our answer is the world's hope; it is to rely on youth. The cruelties and the obstacles of this swiftly changing planet will not yield to obsolete dogmas and outworn slogans. It cannot be moved by those who cling to a present which is already dying, who prefer the illusion of security to the excitement and danger which comes with even the most peaceful progress. This world demands the qualities of youth: not a time of life but a state of mind, a temper of the will, a quality of the imagination, a predominance of courage over timidity, of the appetite for adventure over the love of ease."



Go Vote! If you need a ride call me. If you need to find your polling place, call me. If you want to help out, it's not too late call me, I put you in touch with the people that can put you to work.




April 18, 2008




We interupt this extended period of silence to bring you this breaking news...

Armed with a new laptop, new job that is guaranteed to produce some high quality writing material, and new excuses for why I never post when I say I will
the Nittanyproudfoot resumes its regularly scheduled programing early next week